Gray-haired Philosopher Pillows

"Inside every old person is a young person trying to figure out what's happening to them."

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Balding Autumn Tree.

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Mall of ages

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"It Works For Us."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

The end is near.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

I lactate, therefore I am.

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."