Grave Humor Readers Gifts

She always said that Harold hogged the covers. Mildred Sims. Harold Sims.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Pet Cemetery.

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Life after death

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

Apricots

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Mister Oedipus.

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"Hey. When I want your help, I'll ask for it."

Book

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"Honey, I have to go to the Moria refugee camp. I'll be back soon, the work there will practically take cake of itself."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

Farmed Salmon Restaurant - Everyone squashed together.

"It's not that I dislike being dead. It's just that death is for dead guys, you know..." Woody Allen dies, but his body keeps talking and talking and talking.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."