Grasshopper Gallivanter Gifts

The Drone Ranger

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'So what have you been up to?'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

"This place could use a moat!"

Beware of the Lawn

Federal Agency to Eliminate Agencies

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

'The reason the cost of government is so high is that it takes hundreds of congressmen locked in a room to produce gridlock.'

"Let me guess...you forgot to put their hand-brakes on!"

Fishbowl Rebellion

Hope and pray it's nothing more than a 'Spectator Sport'!'

Children play with insects in power outages

'Well, I think it's dreadful coming home and taking it out on poor Freddy like that.'

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

'It guides you through the halls of bureaucracy.'

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

Snowmobile caught in a bear trap

Jonathan Swift

Saxophone summoning.

Things You Should Know About...

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Wait a minute! It's not good to go swimming right after eating!"

"Hola...I was wondering if you need your lawn mowed."

'Do you mind if I have a friend spend the night?'

Seasonal Migration of the Mowers

'You can't expect everything you need to just come falling from the sky'

"How many times do I have to tell you not to barge in here when I'm looking at my hidden agenda!"