Grapevine Gossip T-Shirts

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Tarzan of the Grapes.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 4)

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

Why Rome Fell:'Peel you a grape? Don't you know that the skin is where all the vitamins are?'

Wine: New and Old.

"Grapes are my favorite fruit too."

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."