Grape Crush Aficionado T-Shirts

'House red please.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

'Who's the new guy?'

A giant glass of red wine

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

Wine tasting

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

Nouveau wine

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

Schoolboy with lunch box.

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 4)

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'I think we can skip the resume.'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"