Grape Aficionado T-Shirts

Wine heads.

"I think this is a red."

'How can you tell a red wine from a white?'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'Well obviously I'd be thrilled with a merlot or some jelly, but there's always raisin bran as a safety net.'

A nice Chianti?

'Sid uses all 10,000 grape types in his homemade wine. It's a great way to spread the blame.'

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Can you recommend a wine to go with this wine?"

The Wrath of Grapes

"Oh merlot, you have betrayed me with your false promises to treasure and nourish my heart, when all along you were plotting to sent me to an early grave!"

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

A giant glass of red wine

Pete Townshend Vineyards

Apples for sale

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Archimedes, Galileo, Copernicus

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Newton forgets gravity, discovers delicious apple

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

Wine tasting