Grape Aficionado Gifts

Wine heads.

"I think this is a red."

'How can you tell a red wine from a white?'

'Well obviously I'd be thrilled with a merlot or some jelly, but there's always raisin bran as a safety net.'

A nice Chianti?

'Sid uses all 10,000 grape types in his homemade wine. It's a great way to spread the blame.'

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Can you recommend a wine to go with this wine?"

The Wrath of Grapes

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

A giant glass of red wine

Pete Townshend Vineyards

Apples for sale

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Archimedes, Galileo, Copernicus

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Newton forgets gravity, discovers delicious apple

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

Wine tasting

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".