Grape Guzzler Gifts

'Hey, you should be thanking us for improving your cluster-to-leaf balance.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Who's the new guy?'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

A giant glass of red wine

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

Wine tasting

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"I'm a stay-at-work dad."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."