Grape Growing Gifts

Grape vines think alike.

'Do I detect an inner grape struggling to get out?'

'Hold up a sec! I'm feeling really guilty about all the destruction we've caused to vineyards around the world...Okay, I'm over it.'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

"It looks like the loud noises are coming from a sound system Dad, presumably set up to stop us from eating the grapes..."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"I'm afraid it's still rather young."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

A giant glass of red wine

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Red Wine

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".