Grape Grower Gifts

'That's disappointing - we've only gotten 10 years out of this 'Vintage of the Century' sign.'

'It's time to retire from the winemaking business, Maurice - Just look at your skin-to-pulp ratio.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

'I've pruned it to look like my ex - she was perennially sour grapes, too.'

'Sell some? But then there'd be less for me.'

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'

Artist painting grapes as a bottle of wine.

'He's been in the wine business so long, he can remember when Chateau d'Yquem as Cabin d'Yquem.'

"If the vineyard needs rain, why don't you get the truck washed?"

"It looks like the loud noises are coming from a sound system Dad, presumably set up to stop us from eating the grapes..."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'Who's the new guy?'

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'