Grant Writing Guru Gifts

'You've got to hand it to Mandelbart -- He got a Nobel Prize for writing grant applications.'

"You get to stay a year in Antarctica, while I have to stay here in Hawaii, to apply for grants to extend your research time there."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Well, we got the grant."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"What are we doing wrong?"

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"Someday my grant will come."

The Institute Of Innovative Ways To Get Government Grants.

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."