Grant Writing Gifts

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

Research grant for nerve toxin.

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"Just complete this paperwork and we will notify you if you qualify to apply for the grant..."

"The money for this grant proposal is probably coming from the Dept. of Agriculture, so make sure to use words like 'yonder'..."

"I can get you the grant, but not that little Teddy bear."

"Someday my grant will come."

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

'I'm worried -- It's getting harder and harder to qualify for Federal grants!'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"The shock of an unsolicited grant was just too much."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Well, we got the grant."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"Hello sir? I believe your name is Grant. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about yourself?"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'