Grant Seeking Gifts

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

"Our funding runs out in a month. Will everyone please think a little faster?"

"Someday my grant will come."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

"I need this grant to start my chicken farm."

'Great news, Gran'ma! I got a grant to study wolves in your woods!'

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

Ulysses S Grant as William Tell, Defiant against the Greely-Gratz Brown Presidential Bid

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

Research grant for nerve toxin.

"His grant application was accepted."

'Bad news. . . Things are too good to get any grant money.'

"I may be a mere grant applicant now, but I assure you, in my past life, I was a prominent philanthropist."

The bastard only funded my Kickstarter at the T-shirt level."

"The shock of an unsolicited grant was just too much."

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether or not money can buy happiness."

"The money for this grant proposal is probably coming from the Dept. of Agriculture, so make sure to use words like 'yonder'..."

"I'm afraid we can't accept your grant proposal. You can't predict the way water flows from a faucet!"