Seeking A Grant Gifts

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Your entire business plan is to get a loan from me?"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

"Someday my grant will come."

Dummy. Now we have to apply for another grant.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

"I need this grant to start my chicken farm."

'You want the 'loan officer.' Next door down.'

'Great news, Gran'ma! I got a grant to study wolves in your woods!'

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

Research grant for nerve toxin.

"His grant application was accepted."

'Bad news. . . Things are too good to get any grant money.'

"I may be a mere grant applicant now, but I assure you, in my past life, I was a prominent philanthropist."

'It's true I'm homeless...that's why I want the loan.'

Credit and Farmers

"Gone fishing for a small-business loan"

"The shock of an unsolicited grant was just too much."

The bastard only funded my Kickstarter at the T-shirt level."