Grant Funding Gifts

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"Our war is against cancer."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

Pearly King and Queen

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Pinara fund

"Well, we got the grant."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

The nonprofit dog fight.

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."