Grant Applications Gifts

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Well, we got the grant."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

The Institute Of Innovative Ways To Get Government Grants.

"Someday my grant will come."

"Our funding runs out in a month. Will everyone please think a little faster?"

The mazes were too easy, so now they have me running through bureaucracies and looking for grants. (Originally published on 2007-10-18).

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

"Admittedly, our research went astray but getting more funding should be easier now."