Grant Writer Gifts

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

'Institute for the study of innovative ways to get government grants'

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'I've just finished the Great American Grant Application.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

"I'm applying for a grant to be able to apply for more grants."

'Reading this grant proposal, I conclude that you must have gotten an A in creative writing.'

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

"Welcome to the grant application process

'Now they want us to write the grant proposal.'

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I'm sick of writing grant proposals on spec.'

'According to the grant all we have to do is write a 25-page report on what we discover.'

"I no longer sit up and beg. I fax grant requests to foundations."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

'We're a great team: He does most of the research, but I write the winning Grant Applications!'

"Admittedly, our research went astray but getting more funding should be easier now."

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"His grant application was accepted."

"That's all we get around here: Gimme, gimme, gimme."

"Just complete this paperwork and we will notify you if you qualify to apply for the grant..."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"You get to stay a year in Antarctica, while I have to stay here in Hawaii, to apply for grants to extend your research time there."

"Help with writing grant applications? Yep, that's my specialty!"

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

"I need this grant to start my chicken farm."

"The money for this grant proposal is probably coming from the Dept. of Agriculture, so make sure to use words like 'yonder'..."

"The most useful course I've ever done was the "Creative Writing" course I did as a kid: It's been invaluable in writing Grant Applications..."

'Your lifestyle is too irresponsible and scandalous for a bank loan, but maybe you could get an NEA grant.'