Grant Guru Gifts

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

"I'm applying for a grant to be able to apply for more grants."

'I'm sick of writing grant proposals on spec.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

'I'm worried -- It's getting harder and harder to qualify for Federal grants!'

'Eureka! -- I've discovered a formula that will make congressmen vote for Federal grants!'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

"Help with writing grant applications? Yep, that's my specialty!"

Armed only witha grant to study wolves, Ridinghood enters Grandmother's woods.'

Scientific Research: '...First principle of science, Danae...Get the funding secured before you conduct the research.'

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"What are we doing wrong?"

"I can get you the grant, but not that little Teddy bear."

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"Oh, me? I gave a seminar, wrote a unch of grants, did some experiments and now it's lunchtime."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

Geek fairies