Grandmothers Gifts

"What's to prevent some total stranger anywhere on the world from paying my bills."

"Use your inside scream."

'Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but with Jimmy it's next to impossible.'

Grandparents with their grandchild

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."