Gran Gifts

"When I grow up, I'm going to have a mustache just like you, Grandma."

'The post is so unreliable - these days I have to slit birthday card envelopes myself so it looks like i put some money in.'

My gran likes the crossword.

Cottage cupcakes.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Young Frankenstein"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Playing Fetch.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

2021

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

A Good Batch.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Pick me!"

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Why do they do that?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'