Graduation Humorists Gifts

Bovine Proctology Graduation

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

T-Rex as a graduation speaker. Everything was going well until someone in the first row moved!"

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Now Firing.

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Welcome graduates, parents, guests, faculty, and home equity loan officers.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Undergraduate and don

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

Breakfast at Universities

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Talk the talk...

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

Cards for All Occasions. Wedding. Get Well. Grads. Congrats. Friendship. Birthday. One "graduation" and one "condolences" … He's afraid of the real world.

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

'Who knew college would prep me for a first class upgrade?'

"Is doing the report completely in emojis considered plagiarism?"