Graduation Humorists Pillows

Bovine Proctology Graduation

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

T-Rex as a graduation speaker. Everything was going well until someone in the first row moved!"

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Now Firing.

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Welcome graduates, parents, guests, faculty, and home equity loan officers.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Breakfast at Universities

Undergraduate and don

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Talk the talk...

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

'Who knew college would prep me for a first class upgrade?'

"Is doing the report completely in emojis considered plagiarism?"

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

"Dude! I'm writing a letter to my parents. How many N's in money?"

'My owner is a bachelor. May I have a human bag?'