Graduation Humorist Pillows

Graduate receives a Certificate of Participation.

"Now who's a dumb dog for eating all that homework!"

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

Perdue University.

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

A credit to his species...

T-Rex as a graduation speaker. Everything was going well until someone in the first row moved!"

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

'I'm taking the 'learn from my mistakes' approach to education.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

Now Firing.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Welcome graduates, parents, guests, faculty, and home equity loan officers.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

The Principal of Inertia.

Breakfast at Universities