College Graduate Humor Pillows

'Welcom home from college, son. Now go clean your room.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

T-Rex as a graduation speaker. Everything was going well until someone in the first row moved!"

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Now Firing.

'Welcome graduates, parents, guests, faculty, and home equity loan officers.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Bovine Proctology Graduation

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Talk the talk...

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

The Pi Advantage

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."