Graduate Guru Gifts

'Now get out there and dumb down your resumes so you can find jobs.'

"Mom, Dad, is my old room ready? It will be nice to take a few years off and rest."

Student sets off into the big wide world in debt.

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Leadership ISN'T just about trying to be BETTER than everyone else!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

Kirsten Johnson