Grading Scale Humorist Gifts

'He certainly put it in terms I can understand. He gave me a D minus.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

'He takes his doodling very seriously.'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

Jungle Games

'Yes, I did tell you to hang the fire extinguisher where it would be easy to reach, but...'

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

Circus Stilt-Walker with Girlfriend.

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"That's still too high"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'Does grandma still outrank you?'

Circus trousers

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

'I don't set the rules, but you do need to accept that you're a pony and move on Brian!'

'The bad news is he wants to be a jockey.'

'I don't know which will come first.. retirement or draft?'

'He was taller online!'

'I'm having trouble with math. Is math an acquired taste?'

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

"The boss says I've exceeded his low expectations of me!"

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

Tall major and small page boy

'You'll have to bring in your own refrigerator.'

"I flunked sticks this time, but I got a C+ in rocks!"

Hopkins has been in charge of giraffes for 25 years.