Gourmet Junkies T-Shirts

'Don't you love fast food'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'