Gourmet Goofball Gifts

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'More Christmas anyone?'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

"Is the Black Cherry Vanilla Beer Coolie any good? That depends on your lack of taste."

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'The special today is scraps.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'The garnish was really good, but these biscuits are rather tasteless...'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Shoot For The Moon

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

The Deaths take a selfie.

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Time-space portal

A Magician struggling to pull a rabbit out of a hat as a rabbit watches from the audience.

A choice of sandwiches

Man in snow globe clears snow.

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."