Gourmet Food Buyer Gifts

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"Is the MSG local?"

French wine

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

His Her Cakes

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Too much cilantro

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."