Gourmet Dreamer T-Shirts

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Tramp enjoys good food.

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

Tramp reading Good Food Guide.

"You suppose, somewhere out there, there are peanut butter fish?"

"Just once I'd like something to die that tastes like a yummy fruit puff pastry dessert."

Policeman complains about his food

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

Fantasy Diet League

Counting ribs

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Today's special... donuts.

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

To do before Saturday...

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'