Gourmet Debater Pillows

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"You owe me five bucks."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

Mayo-A-Mayo

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

Avocado Timeline

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Mine was stone cold.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Harold, please -- the wine steward is entitled to his opinion, too."

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

The mushroom pickers

"You ordered mammoth again?"

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'