Gourmet Chef Wannabe T-Shirts

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

"Call this cordon bleu?"

"Sauted lard, please."

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

Sandwich snob.

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Blimey, how old is this stilton?' 'Let;s put it this way...it used to be cheddar.'

Salvador Deli

'Just call me Delia...'

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

"Look, gourmet popcorn! Harold, our son is a gourmet!"

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

"Jean-Pierre, homemade caviar for table six, please!"

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

"This isn't just any old food wine. This is the foodies' food wine."