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"And how would you like your steak?" "Cremated."

"I slept with the skeletons in the closet..."

"Here we are."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

Orientation: Welcome to Hell

"....and hold the garlic."

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

First Transsylvanian Blood Bank

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

Vampire Umbrella

Trilby - 'Taffy was allowed to see Gecko'.

"Wait! First, his attorney."

'Wow! Did you see who just flitted past? Count Dracula!'

'Which one do you think Dracula's in?'

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

Death Takes A Time-Share

'This feels a bit strange: Are you really from the Blood Bank?'

Vampire Couple, "I suppose you're out again for your usual eight pints?"

'He won't bite anyone! I'm hoping it's just a phase.'

Fresh Blood In Politics

"The meal was delicious. My compliments to the Haematologist"

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

Dracula Waits For the Bus With A Coffin Briefcase.

'God's teeth - it's just not the same!'

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

"Dang it! Honey, this whole batch of type B positive has gone sour!"

"Our relationship would never work, Megan! We'd always be at each other's throat!"

"Is that your resting witch or resting bitch face. . .?"

"Looks like you're due for a cleaning and a sharpening."

'Dracula, I'm getting tired of you sitting around all day.'