Gospel Gifts

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

The-Lead-Us-Not-Into Temptations

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

'It helps with reception.'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

Walking on Water

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

Thomas Dorsey.

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"Uh-oh! Here comes trouble!"

The First Supper

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

Religious man watching religious TV

Revisionist Theology Happy Hour in Galilee with Jesus and Judas

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"I'm sorry Gary, but my twelve apostles are enough. We don't also need a mascot."

The Teachings of Jesus: Day 1

'The pipe organ costs a hundred and ten thousand. Four music stands for Ed's Gospel Quartet, eighty five fifty. Discussion.'

'You called for tech support?'

'Here's the story of the sermon on the mount.'

"Wine?! Laddie, he'll have my attention when he can change water into Scotch!"

"No, a question period will not follow!"

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'I know he's got a bum report card when he comes in singing 'Nearer my God to Thee'.'