Gospel Enthusiast Gifts

Beth Moore

Religious man watching religious TV

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'I know he's got a bum report card when he comes in singing 'Nearer my God to Thee'.'

"Woah! I haven't read it yet. Spoilers!"

The Post-Resurrection Years.

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Ten Commandments

The First Printed Bible

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Christian and Born again Christian...

Noah's ark, many lions

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

Meet the Author

Sermon Applause.

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

"Who wants to live in a Garden Centre?"

"Remember, God created you. Evolution will get you left behind."