Goodbye Gurus Gifts

Goodbyes are never easy. I used to believe that too.

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"Great! I've finally mastered all my competencies and my teachers still have most of their hair."

'Turkey again! It's the sixth of January... Just how big was that flaming bird?!'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

'I'm good. How are you?'

Third eye

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his peers ...'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

December 24th and the December 26th.

'That's right. I took all your money and didn't teach you a darn thing -- enlightening, isn't it?'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

Dial-A-Prayer and Dial-A-Mantra

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

There's no way you could have attained Nirvana already — you don't even have hemorrhoids yet.

'FQ...?'

'Oh, wise guru tell me the secret of success, Oops tell me how to fly!'

Cards for everyone: Birthday, anniversary and 'I told you so'.

'Let's talk dollars and cents. How many 'loved ones' did you lose in the stock market?'

'Mr. Swanson, out session ended fifteen minutes ago, will you please leave?. . .'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just up here on the advice of my tax accountant.'

Pissed-off hour.

Moan Pig.

"That's all you got? 'Don't waste money on premium gas?'"

Yes, I know all the answers to everything. Why do you ask?

'Not now - I'm under a lot of atmospheric pressure.'