Returns Guru Gifts

December 24th and the December 26th.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Soaring Profits

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'We're plowing our excess profits back into justifying our profits.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'This is where we shed all our inhibitions.'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Turkey again! It's the sixth of January... Just how big was that flaming bird?!'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Cable Bill.