Golf Rivalry Gifts

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

"Eat my dust!"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

The Alpha Seltzer

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Hole in one!!!!'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'The grudge match.'

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'Bad news: the report says it's cheaper if cats make it...'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

'Uruguayan? - No, he's from Scotland.'

Harbaugh bragging rights 2043...

'I warned him about watching the game at the opposition's pub.'

'You know my limits, don't you?'

"I'm sorry your team lost - perhaps you should have rooted for the other team."

Warren knew the importance of getting down as low as possible to sight his putts.

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

"Doreen, the cat's after the parrot again!"

'Jack's foursome gives out trophies at the end of the year...he came in fourth!'

"He couldn't sink that last putt, so now he's trying to drown it."

I procrastinated and need to work on my taxes today. They're due this week. Doing your taxes is like playing golf. The rules for both are very complex. With taxes and golf I incur huge penalties for going out of bounds. And sometimes it seems like everybody else is cheating. Well, it looks like I owe thousands! I never get to take any deductions in golf or taxes. The final number in both is huge and somehow it all seems unfair!

"Oi - change that to Chelsea."

'Out batted, out bowled, out fielded!'

Potential passenger being fought over by rival bus conductors