Gold Star Giver Gifts

'Couldn't you just give out gold stars like the other teachers, Miss Price?'

Grace For Flies

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

celebrating a birth.

'They're dog roses!'

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

Love.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Birthday Racing Car

Valentines Balloons

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"It's not so bad! But I DO have to sleep on my side. . .2

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Saying Grace.

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'While they're still enthusiastic do you think we could get them to take on climate change and the war on drugs as well?'

Medalist wears five gold medals to form olympic rings.

'A globe warming party?...Guys, you shouldn't have!'

A feminist Christmas.

'Don't worry -- I used a bond issue.'

"Mom...There's nothing to do..."