Gold Medalist Giggler Gifts

"Fancy biting your gold medal just because a photographer told you to."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Black Hole Corks

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Whoops!'

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

"It's bad news I'm afraid...we've lost his web site!"

Tred carefully mill.

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! What's that malfunctioning machine? It's a "Justin Beeper"!

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

'They're evolving like mad -- You put in way too many cosmic rays!'

When suddenly the clouds parted and down came Jeez, a god appalled by how his name is used in vain.

The Big A** Theory

'Which one's Ringo?'