Godfather Guru Gifts

"I'm gonna make him an offer he could refuse but won't because he's afraid of conflict."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Children's Parties

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"She's been so creative lately."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

'The child is very illogical'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Coping with a strong-willed child

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

At the 2021 Religious Games