Goblet Aficionado Gifts

"Wine is good for you in moderation, so I named my goblet 'Moderation.'"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Golfing Boss

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

Comedy Ballet of Marionettes I (Oil Version in Tate Known as 'A Caprice'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"I see you've flown around the world in a plane, and settled revolutions in Spain. Around a golf course you're under par. Metro-Goldwyn has asked you to star. Very impressive, I must admit, but we're looking for someone with marketing experience."

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

'Don't worry, the dog's a sales manager!'

'I suggest we wait at the pub until this bird realizes that it's hatching your golf ball.'

"Commuters"

'Sorry to leave you in the lurch but this trip is important'

"Can I play with your ball, Mister, if you're not using it?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Last warning, Girard! Get rid of that mask!'

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

Jack Nicholas - Sun-Visor

"Just imagine the hold is world peace and the sand traps are nuclear Armageddon and the club is your ability to deal calmly and rationally with complex situations."

Fritz chasing Clara for her Nutcracker

Urology - Dr Nutcracker.

That looks like a golf ball.

Curtain call

"RATS! Hooked it."