Goal Avoider Pillows

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

We're butterflies, Ernie, I don't think we're supposed to have long-term goals.

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

Mohamed Salah

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Good parenting.

"Where are you flying to?"

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

Fernando Torres

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

'Nature makes me nervous!'

Escaped Fish

Karim Benzema

Too posh to wash...

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

Grim Reaper calling on The Premiership

Football

'Apart from the vuvuzela incident did you enjoy England's World Cup games?'

Spying on the Football Match

1981 - Introduction of goal nets and penalty kicks to the newly-formed Football League.

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

Football players stand in front of a cannon that is about to shoot

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

Just so you know, Bob, I don't date guys who play games. Sooo, the ball's in my court

'You're in luck, Sir. . . we found the only television in the shop that won't show sports!'

"Aren't you jumping ahead of yourself, dear?"

"So a 'brilliant cross' is when the ball happens to plonk on a bloke's bonce and go in, is it?"