Goal Avoider Mugs

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"Where are you flying to?"

Good parenting.

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

Too posh to wash...

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

Escaped Fish

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

Grim Reaper calling on The Premiership

1981 - Introduction of goal nets and penalty kicks to the newly-formed Football League.

Football

Spying on the Football Match

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

'You're in luck, Sir. . . we found the only television in the shop that won't show sports!'

"Aren't you jumping ahead of yourself, dear?"

"So a 'brilliant cross' is when the ball happens to plonk on a bloke's bonce and go in, is it?"

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

Football players stand in front of a cannon that is about to shoot

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

Summer To Do List. . .

'Baseball is boring, apple pie makes me fat and I'm not getting along with my mother.'