Gluten-free Living Pillows

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

'Help! I'm a coeliac get me out of here!'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"It's nothing to be concerned about...a lot of people have issues with wheat products!"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"I read that alcohol and the gluten cancel each other out."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

"It's glutton-free."

"Oh, sure, I eat gluten ... but only in certain restaurants."

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

Gluten-Free Church

'Being GLUTEN FREE is your entire resume?'

'OK, everyone say 'ultra-pasteurized, ninety-eight perfect fat free, slices of vegan, gluten free cheeeeeeese!''

'Some of the women are asking if the manna is gluten-free.'

Gluten free parking

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

"I'm so sorry! I'm gluten intolerant. I just panicked."

"Another nice thing about a martini - it's gluten free."

"Not unless they're gluten-free bread crumbs."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Kitchen Kapers

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

Modern Witch Shoppe

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"And for all you people with food allergies, this next song's lyrics contain no gluten or peanuts."

Gluten-free Santa