Gluten-free Devotees Gifts

Gluten free parking

"I can take or leave the religion, I worship his gluten free recipes."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Baking

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

Bear at a vending machine

I bake my own bread.

"How are we on bread?"

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"When are you going to make the sort of bread my mother makes?"

"Yes, I have allergies! Hundreds! Because my crazy mother kept me in a germ-free house with no pets and I developed zero immunities!"

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

Baker

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'How do we know he's gluten-free?'

"I suppose you’re wondering why I summoned you, minion." "Not really, boss." "I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: bikinis are getting smaller and smaller, so small, in fact, that they no longer hide anything." "I think it’s about time our cafe took a stand and did something to outlaw this moral decay." "That’s why I’ve arranged for you to hand ‘campaign donations’ to several city councilmembers." "This doesn’t have anything to do with our declining donut sales, does it?" "People should never have t

Gluten-Free Church

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"The gluten's back. And it's pissed."

"It's just a reaction to all that artificial flavoring and artificial sweetening. Now if you just take this synthetic medicine..."

Church of the Low-Carbs