Germ-free Devotees Gifts

"Yes, I have allergies! Hundreds! Because my crazy mother kept me in a germ-free house with no pets and I developed zero immunities!"

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"I say we settle around here, there's no chemical aftertaste to the soil: Must be an organic farmer..."

"Always give a good, firm handshake...then immediately sanitize your hands."

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"Sure it costs more. We have to squash bugs by hand."

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

'Can you demonstrate yet again before my party next week?'

"Of course I wasn't exposed to harmful pesticides as a child. Funny question."

'Don't take this personally, Walter, but go home!'

"I can take or leave the religion, I worship his gluten free recipes."

Gluten free parking

No, you can't approach the bench if you have a cold.

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

'Genetically-modified food' -'Food with hormones' - 'Food with additives'

'I don't like touching door handles. . . I had to wait for people to tailgate through every door.'

"I don't shake hands during flu season. Just scan my QR code."

Knowing the dangers of being a Church Greeter during cold and flu season, Harold stocks up on hand sanitizer.

"Kung Flu Fighting."

"Did I tell you that I'm a non-smoker?"

"I'm on a detox cleanse, so I'll wait for a vegetarian."

Cookies and Sanitizer for Santa

"Turns out hands are like soup. The more you wash the smaller they get."

Being an extreme germaphobe, Philip tended tended to startle people when he met them.

'Yes, but Mum says don't lent it to anyone. Sniff, sniff.'

Meet the candidate...VOTE YOMP: 'Forgive me if I don't shake hands- germs, you know!'

'Do I have to say 'cheese'? I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Not now, Shmata!!!! We're social distancing."