Germ Avoidance Gifts

I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping. Is your whipped hand-sanitizer organic? Totally. There's not a thing in it that can possibly hurt you. Can you BOIL the cookie just to be sure? That'll be extra.

'Gesundheit.'

COVID 19

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Yes, I have allergies! Hundreds! Because my crazy mother kept me in a germ-free house with no pets and I developed zero immunities!"

"It's almost flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one!"

Medicine.

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

Contagious Diseases.

"I like to carry a lot of hand sanitizer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see my chiropractor."

'Don't mind my husband, he just wants to be 65!'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

I'll have a pumpkin smoothie with the "Experimental Ebola Vaccine" boost. We don

Covid Games

Swine flu immunity.

Employees must wash hands.

'Don't take this personally, Walter, but go home!'

'Good evening, ladies and germs.'

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

No, you can't approach the bench if you have a cold.

"Ummm, thanks, but I'm good."

"Hypochondriac's Handbook. Where was I?"

"....But....flu season's over."

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

"Needs more Purell."

'Your prescription is ready. Please don't approach the counter. I'll toss it to you.'

"I don't shake hands during flu season. Just scan my QR code."

'I don't like touching door handles. . . I had to wait for people to tailgate through every door.'

Knowing the dangers of being a Church Greeter during cold and flu season, Harold stocks up on hand sanitizer.

Surgeon pushing cleaning lady out of operating room.

'Look...this place is a health hazard!'

The office is a breeding ground for winter cold and flu germs.

"I ordered a lot of disinfecting wipes for our phone, keyboard, neighbors, kids..."

'Quick, shut the door! The Flu!'

"Good luck - watch out for the 20 second power douche tsunamis - and stay safe."