Gloat Enthusiast Gifts

'We'll be a few minutes late. Ed got a primo parking space and he needs a little gloat time.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"He's gone goth"

Diamond outfits

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"It's called, 'Goth'."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

King and Jester

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"I brought you coffee. Sorry it’s cold."

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"We have a favor to ask."