Glamper Pillows

'Don't give me the 'wild bear' routine! I've seen your condo!'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

Diamond outfits

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

'I don't like to take chances.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

Elton John

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Best friends without borders.

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

"Have you been scratching this?"

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

A rainbow umbrella

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

Worm Bed

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

Blowing up the camping mattress.

Solitaire card shark.

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

Shirley MacLaine caricature

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

Blackjack: free lemonade!

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'